Message: Loving Our Families
February 21, 2010-UMC-SC
J. D. Landis
We continue in our series on love and this weekend many of our studies begin on growing in love. Today I want to look at 4 qualities Scripture says are needed in love, especially patience. Patience is probably the single most difficult fruit of the Spirit to cultivate. I have often said to couples who are getting married that the best thing that I could give them as a gift would be patience. The Apostle Paul begins His instructions on love by saying love is patient, love is kind. The two go hand in hand. If we are going to grow in patience we need God’s help, but we also need to take some practical steps to ensure that it can happen. Often we say, well I just need God to give me more patience, but we must realize there are steps we can take to help us grow in that. We can set ourselves up to fail or to overcome by how we prepare for it. First of all..
I. We Must Begin To View The Testing of Our Patience as An Opportunity to Show Love.
We must begin to see that things that happen are not out of God’s view, not out of God’s awareness or control, but as opportunities to show love, to show grace, and to let God know we are growing in character. When we are obedient others notice it, and God is honored, and then people are drawn closer to God through our faithfulness. This then show’s God’s Glory. Think of patience like a bow and string. The arrow is our love. In order for an arrow to be shot out there must be the resistance of the bow and the string. The further you want the arrow to go, the greater the resistance. You have to develop your muscles to be able to pull a 150 pound bow back, but when you are able to overcome this resistance and hold the arrow then whoosh there is a good shot and love is accomplished.
A. Tough circumstances that tries our patience is the resistance that allows us to release more love.
If there is no resistance then the arrow cannot be shot as far. If there is no resistance to our patience, then not as much love can be shown. So we need to see every stressful situation as providing an opportunity to overcome that resistance to stay calm, and show patience. Sometimes if feels like the pressure is more then we can handle…like oh my word I can’t hold this string any longer, but that is when we are forced to trust God for patience. And God is like a compound bow, that is built to actually release the pressure when we get to a certain point, it is not so hard. And likewise when we get to a place of overcoming our resistance to patience…it all of a sudden with God’s help gets easier.
1. Our homes are a testing grounds to help us to grow in patience. There are days everything seems to be going right and there are days when everything seems to be going wrong. Most of the time though there are daily circumstances that bring pressure giving us an opportunity to show patience. I want to give you some illustrations and some applications. Probably a version of these has happened in all of our homes at one time or another. Ok here we go.
Suppose somebody drank the last bit of orange juice that you wanted. You can say…Every time I want something some greedy persons takes the last drop…or with patience you can respond…well I guess we need more orange juice in this house…I am glad people are staying healthy. Here is one for parents. The kids trashed the living room now they are gone and you have to look at it or clean it. You can say….Without patience you can blurt out…If I see one more mess of yours in this house you are going to sleep in the barn… and be grounded for a week. Or you can respond…now I want you to know that I cleaned up your mess in the living room…and we know each person in this house must do their part….so lets try a little harder, but now show me you want to help out by going to your room and straightening it out.
Here is another for husbands and wives. Your wife took your keys put them in her purse by mistake and drove off with them leaving you stranded. You angrily comment…if you take my keys one more time I am just about going to go crazy. Or you can call and say dear…I know our keys look alike, and I think you have mine in your purse…could you get them back to me. Here is one that plagues not only the home but the office. Your husband has been trying his best to get the computer working like it should….it is starting to frustrate you. You can say…why doesn’t that stupid computer ever work? Or you may respond with patience I know you are working hard on that…is there anything or anyone I can connect with to help. Here is one that can happen to a husband or a wife numerous times in a week. Your wife comes home stressed from work…she really needs to talk. You have a choice to show patience and kindness or irritability. Your expression can be…I really don’t want to hear it…I have things to do…or you can respond…I am sorry dear…give me 15 minutes to wrap this up and we will sit down and talk it out.
B. There Are things We Can do To Cultivate Patience
1. Pray before difficulty comes.
Living at home with those we love can test our patience. Wisdom dictates that we prepare our selves in prayer for what might occur. Start to think ahead of time what could occur and begin to pray for the right reaction. The ultimate example of this is Jesus as He goes to the garden and prays before His great testing and trial culminating at the cross. He needed much prayer to endure with patience the suffering He would go through. Too often we just fly off the handle without any conscious dependence on God. We have to harness difficult circumstances to be used for our blessing and God’s glory. Listen to Romans 5:4
It says as we go through difficult things..These very things will give us patient endurance, this in turn will develop a mature character, and a character of this sort produces a hope that will be steady and not disappoint. This then leads to expressing love, for verse 5 says the love of God will flood through our hearts by the Holy Spirit. Phillips Modern Version. So in other words do not let circumstances control you, but let God control them and use them for something better. The best thing that can come out of tough things is to show love. Secondly in order to do this..
2. We need to see the larger picture.
Sometimes we get trapped in the moment with our emotions. All we can think about is our own frustration, disappointment and anxiety. But we need to stand back and see the bigger picture. Is that thing that has set us spinning really that big in the larger scheme of things? Think about how Jesus carried out His ministry and outreach to others.
Jesus showed incredible patience. People misunderstood him everyday. His family thought he was crazy. They came out one day to bring him back home because they thought He was spending too much time in the ministry because he was not even stopping to eat. Mark 3:21 says that when his family heard of this they went to get Him for they said, He is out of His mind. His disciples were constantly confused at what He was doing but Jesus had patience knowing that God was working on them, and that the Holy Spirit needed time. So we need to…
3. Believe in What God Can Do In Others.
Because Jesus had patience He could say of Peter, you are the rock upon which I will build my church. Peter did not look like a rock in many cases. He was impulsive, mouthy, he ran away, and he denied Christ 3 times. But Jesus saw beyond that to the wonderful faith and obedience that would come for decades. Sometimes we must see beyond the failure of family members and believe greater things for them. This requires patience. To grow this patience we need to…
a. Learn to Understand Our Children.
Most all of us parents need to formulate a little more patience when it comes to our children and their school habits or responsibilities. I know that almost all kids need some pushing to get their homework done. But most kids are also trying. We need to be patient with their failures and affirm their strengths. I know parents…. whose son went through a very difficult time when he moved from one school to another. The second school said he was two years behind because of the poor quality of his previous school. Not something you want to hear. But these parents worked hard every night with their son, because they believed in him. They refused to let the teacher’s negative attitudes discourage them. They saw ability in him. Their child went on to do very well in college and found a very fine job. Pause and think, where do you need to believe more in your kids?
II. Secondly Love is Kind
Ephesians 4:32 says be kind to one another, tenderhearted forgiving one another as Christ loves us.
What is kindness? Kindness comes from the same root Old English word as kin. It is how you treat your kin. It is the love we show to that is special.
A. We are to Show Love To Others as if they were Family.
But sometimes it is hard to love our husbands and wives our children and grandchildren as we should.
1. A picture of kindness is a grandmother’s love. I have known who have special love for their grandkids. I have seen some grandma’s that have a little grandson who is a bit of a pistol, and he really stresses the family and neighbors. But when he comes to grandma’s house he can do no wrong. Grandma always has cookies and a kind word. But later on that little boy remembers his grandma who always believed in him, and he starts to try and do better. Kindness gets outside of our own interests and welfare. It sees the good in others. It also seeks to build up through kind words and deeds. Kindness is simple to understand.
2. Do the things that we would like others to do for us. Jesus put it well…”do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” It is easy to understand but sometimes so very difficult to practice. Paul says it in another way, he says he who loves his husband or wife, loves themselves. When you do something kind to your spouse you actually are making it better for yourself. Try to meet your spouses needs just like your own. It can be oh so simple. When you put the coffee on in the morning, and pour a cup take one to your husband or wife. And give them a kiss too. If you have an errand to run ask you husband or wife if they need anything. If your wife is going to be late then husbands you put dinner on. Wives if your husband has had a rough day, don’t give him such a long list of things to do. Now somebody might be think oh those little things are not so important.
3. Little things are important to God. When Jesus went to one Pharisees house, a woman poured perfume over his feet and wiped them with her tears. When the ruler criticized her, Jesus admonished him. He said when I came to your house, you gave me no kiss, or we can infer a hug, and you did not wash my feet. In other words you gave no evidence of kindness or hospitality. It is impossible to show love without kindness, and people feel it when it is there. Ask yourself this morning have you been kind to your spouse?
a. We must also show it in the little things to our children. It is so easy for us to get wrapped up in our adult agendas and to ignore what our children are feeling or going through. Loving a child does not mean we can never bring correction, but parents can be so commanding with kids that the children cease to respect them or honor them. In some cases parents are so overbearing and demanding it causes the child to rebel. Some parents never realize it and they do it even as adults. And then they wonder why their kids do not want to spend so much time with them. In some cases it is even the reason a grown son or daughter will not come to church. We all need to ask ourselves this question, have I been overbearing at times? The bible says we are not to exasperate our children.
B. We must learn to discover what they our feeling.
When our children come home from school we should give them special attention. If you go out to eat on a Friday night, make them the center of conversation. Sometimes it is hard to get into that little heart and mind, but we have to learn the language they speak. We must create an environment where they can feel that love and kindness is being expressed towards them.
1. Do Things They Like to Do
When you plan a trip, do some things that really exciting for your teen or child. If I go somewhere I want to see historical sites, and sometimes go hiking, but that is bor-r-ring to my daughter. But if I tell her I will take her to a concert with one of her favorite singers…like Taylor Swift wow she lights up. Learn their language and speak it. That is showing kindness.
III. Thirdly Love is Not Envious
Another attribute we must work to counteract in the family is envy. Sometimes children feel that another child gets more attention then they do so they are envious. We must show equal love to our children, even though it may be harder for one child. Children must also show the same love to each parent. It is so easy to show favoritism. Sometimes brothers and sisters become jealous of what the other has. But love is not envious, love rejoices in another’s good fortune.
A. Envy Is Very Destructive
It was envy that brought the greatest anger on the part of the religious leaders with Jesus. Their envy turned to pure hatred. Sometimes in the family of God, persons are upset because someone else has it better then they do. Sometimes when things happen to us we wonder why did God let me have this trouble and someone else has none.
Yes envy puts unpleasant thoughts into our hearts and minds. If we see someone else getting more attention then we are we become jealous and we strive to get what they have. We then seek to get that attention in unhealthy ways.
Paul also says that pride ought not to be in us. Envy and pride go hand in hand.
1. Pride Often Leads Us To Be Envious
When we think we are doing pretty well and ought to be appreciated and when another gets more praise we are envious. Love however does not boast and is not proud. Love is humble. Love realizes its abilities and has some confidence, but love does not make others feel we are better then they are. Love does not revel in its accomplishments in an unhealthy way.
There is a time to celebrate something good and wonderful that has happened to us. When someone throws a party for a graduation, a promotion at work, or if you receive an award at a banquet that is cause for us to rejoice in our achievement, but still we must be humble about it. When praise is given we must be sure to give praise right back for every wonderful thing that others did to allow the good thing to happen to us.
2. Praising Other’s is the key to stop Pride and Envy In fact, if you are receiving a lot of praise but you are not giving a lot out, you are in danger of being proud. People who give out lots of affirmation and praise really draw others to them. But if you give it out sparingly you will be missing one of the most important aspects of showing love. In fact it is pretty hard to show love without giving praise.
When someone affirms me I feel really close to them, but if someone is silent I an not sure where their heart is. You are the same way.
If you stopped praising your husband or wife years ago, you have allowed your love to grow cold. The same is true with our children. The bible says if we do not have love we are nothing. Love is patient, love is kind, love is not envious, proud or boastful, but it believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. Jesus loves you. He is patient and kind with you. He affirms you and seeks to build you up all the time. So let us love one another. Amen.
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